I have different perceptions now, and i enjoy life so much more since i started to shift my attention to the brighter side. I have taken risks that are worth it. I worked for things and I got my reward for it. I got what I wanted to get and there's no need to rush because i'm young. No, i'm not proud. I have nothing to be proud of.. yet.

I've been so naive and stupid about growing old and being free. It's not all about experiencing the world out there, it's also about being ready for it. My mom helped me realize this, even if I was too hard-headed... Mom staying at home is helping me become more matured. It was so hard making adjustments for her though because I was really used to her not being around. Fuck that. My family is not perfect BUT they have been helping me so much. All these years and learning would never be applicable if they were never there to remind me that maturity is doing the right things, not just knowing them.

I had to pause for a moment because she's here in the living room with me and it's awkward and it always has been and I hate it. I've hated her ever since I was a kid. So what if she gave me gadgets and stuff? It's like she never supported me and shit. I know, i know I sound so raged but believe me.. It's like she NEVER agreed to anything I say and she never appreciated anything I do. I was always recognized for messing things up for her. I could go on forever but my mom is not the gist of this blog post. If ever she reads this, she knows my hurt.

I always look for motivation. I'm glad i'm emotionally stable even though I have a boyfriend. Discipline has helped me to be less dependent on my boyfriend and I just love him so much. We've worked things out and our relationship's getting better. I love you, Raymond. I will, forever. You and I are like coffee and bread and that's all we'll ever need.

I know i suck ass but I'll improve for the ones I love.

I miss my girl best friend. You busy bitch.